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FUNNY GOLF TOWELS FOR MEN
WAFFLE-WEAVE MICROFIBER WITH A CARABINER CLIP — DESIGNED IN THE USA
Funny golf towels are microfiber bag towels printed with a joke or a slogan, built to pull grit out of clubface grooves and dry your hands between shots. Heavy Strokes towels are waffle-weave microfiber with a carabiner clip, priced $27.99–$30.99 and designed in the USA. The full range is below, followed by a guide to size, weave, fabric weight and how the towel attaches to your bag.
How to choose a golf towel
- Pick waffle-weave microfiber if you play wet or muddy courses. The raised grid lifts grit out of the grooves instead of smearing it across the face.
- Pick smooth microfiber if you mostly wipe hands and grips. Softer, dries faster, less aggressive on a wet clubface.
- Go 16" x 24" or larger if you want to fold it over the bag strap. Smaller if you clip it and forget it.
- Check the blend and the weight. An 80/20 polyester-polyamide microfiber is the standard worth looking for — the polyamide is what carries the absorbency, and the cheaper 90/10 and 100% polyester towels underperform. Anything under about 250 GSM is a light-duty cloth rather than a bag towel.
- Check the clip, not just the fabric. A carabiner survives a full round on a bumpy cart path; a grommet-and-hook does not.
- Buying it as a gift? Match the joke to the golfer, not to yourself.
Golf towel types compared
| Towel type | Best for | Texture | Grit removal | Typical price |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Waffle-weave microfiber | Wet and muddy rounds | Raised grid | Excellent | $28 – $35 |
| Smooth microfiber | Hands, grips, fast drying | Flat and soft | Good | $20 – $30 |
| Cotton tri-fold | Range use, traditionalists | Looped pile | Fair — holds water, slow to dry | $15 – $25 |
| Tour / caddie towel (22" x 44") | Wet-and-dry method, walkers | Thick terry | Excellent | $30 – $45 |
How the towel attaches
| Attachment | How it works | Holds up? | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Carabiner clip | Spring gate clips to a bag ring or strap | Best — survives cart paths | Nothing much. This is the one we use. |
| Grommet and hook | Metal eyelet with an open S-hook | Fair | Open hooks shake loose over a season |
| Centre slit | Towel drapes over a club head, caddie-style | Good for walkers | Comes off the bag when you pull the club |
| Magnetic | Sticks to the cart frame or a metal shaft | Good on a cart, poor walking | Usually pricier; nothing to hold it if you walk |
Frequently asked questions
What size golf towel should I get?
16" x 24" is the standard bag-towel size and the one most golfers want. It folds over a bag strap, covers a full clubface, and still clips out of the way. An 11" x 18" towel works if you clip it on and only use it for hands and grips. The 22" x 44" tour size is what caddies carry — you wet the bottom half for scrubbing and keep the top half dry for grips and hands.
Does cleaning your clubface actually change anything?
On wedges, substantially. In a Golf Digest launch-monitor test, a 60-degree wedge hit from 100 yards averaged about 10,552 rpm of spin with clean grooves and about 5,759 rpm with grooves packed from a divot — close to half. A separate 7-iron test recorded backspin falling from roughly 5,399 rpm to 2,566 rpm with mud in the grooves, a drop of around 52%.
Worth being straight about the rest of that Golf Digest test, though: average proximity to the hole was almost identical between the clean and dirty sets. The clean shots spun back; the dirty ones hopped once and stopped. So a towel is not going to lower your handicap on its own. What it buys you is predictability — knowing what the ball will do when it lands, rather than finding out.
Are waffle-weave golf towels better than regular microfiber?
For cleaning clubs, yes. The raised waffle texture traps and lifts dirt out of the grooves rather than pushing it around the face, and it does that without being abrasive enough to mark a shaft or a face coating. Smooth microfiber is softer and dries faster, which makes it better for hands and grips than for muddy irons. Plenty of golfers who play wet end up carrying one of each.
What do 80/20 and GSM mean on a microfiber towel?
80/20 is the fibre blend: 80% polyester, 20% polyamide (nylon). The polyester is the bulk; the polyamide is the expensive part that carries softness and absorbency, which is why 80/20 and 70/30 outperform the cheaper 90/10 and 100% polyester towels. GSM is grams per square metre — the fabric weight. Most general-purpose cloths sit under 250 GSM; purpose-made golf towels commonly run around 275 to 320 GSM. Higher GSM means denser and more absorbent, and a good microfiber will hold six to eight times its own weight in water. Be aware that blend claims are not always accurate on cheap towels, so buy from somewhere that will tell you the real spec. Heavy Strokes towels are [VERIFY BLEND] at [VERIFY GSM] GSM.
Can you machine wash a golf towel?
Yes. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and skip the fabric softener — softener coats microfiber fibres and kills the absorbency that makes the towel work in the first place. Wash it separately from cotton, which sheds lint that microfiber then grabs and holds. Every few rounds is enough, more often if you play wet. Do not iron a printed towel.
Clip, centre slit or magnetic — which attachment is best?
Depends on whether you ride or walk. A carabiner clip is the most reliable all-round option and the one on every Heavy Strokes towel: it stays put on a rough cart path and it does not shake loose the way an open S-hook does. A centre slit lets you drape the towel over a club head the way caddies do, which suits walkers, but it comes off the bag every time you pull that club. Magnetic towels are convenient if you always ride — they stick to the cart frame — and largely pointless if you walk. They also tend to cost more for the same amount of fabric.
Is a golf towel actually different from a regular towel?
Functionally, yes. A golf towel is built to scrub: the weave is chosen to lift grass and soil out of clubface grooves rather than just absorb water, the microfiber is low-lint so it does not leave fibres in the grooves, and it has a clip or grommet so it hangs off the bag. A hand towel will do in a pinch. It will not clean grooves as well, it will shed lint into them, and you will spend the round picking it up off the cart floor.
How much do funny golf towels cost?
Heavy Strokes towels run $27.99 to $30.99. Across the wider US market, printed microfiber golf towels sit between $20 and $35 depending on size, weave, fabric weight and whether a clip is included. Tour-size caddie towels run higher, around $30 to $45. Prices correct at time of writing.
Do funny golf towels make a good gift?
They are one of the safest golf gifts available, because there is no sizing, no fitting and no brand loyalty to get wrong. Every golfer uses a bag towel every round regardless of handicap. And a printed one gets noticed by the other three people in the group, which is most of the point. The only thing to get right is the joke — match it to the person receiving it, not to your own sense of humour.